Throw a wobbly!

She ain't a ho or a slut, she's a slag.

Well, I don't have much to report in terms of actually doing anything over the last couple of days, but I do have some eye opening and introspective thoughts to share about living in Jolly Old - and I know my sharp and witty insights are what keep you all coming back! *Unrelated, self-involved side note: the ex-patsy just broke 1,000 pageviews and I have 267 active readers, so thanks friends, for tuning in to find out about my drunken escapades on such a regular basis.

So, one of the biggest issues I'm having adjusting to life in London is the language. Sure, I thought I'd have to translate a random phrase here or there. What's a chav? Who's a minger? Sorry, a WAG?

But British English (or proper English, as they say over here. Brits are pretty full of themselves, I have to say [sorry, Dad]) is an entirely different language than Canadian english. It's not just words and phrases but it's greetings, colloquialisms, tone, delivery - everything about how they speak is so different. And the worst part is, I've come to discover I am a laughable stereotype of a Canadian: I say 'eh?', 'oh, yah?' and 'I see' constantly (not phrases they would dare utter this side of the pond). I also say things that outside of our great country sound pretty lame: awesome, sweet, absolutely (for yes), the list goes on. I had no idea how many cultural differences existed within language, but maybe that's because I am big fat ignorant North American who isn't aware of the superiority of British English.

Anyway, it most cases and in most jobs, it wouldn't be such a big deal. I would slowly pick up certain words and phrases, but most likely retain my Canadianisms for novelty purposes and as a result of my own petulancy. But I am working in an editorial capacity here, so it's actually crucial that I start saying (and understanding) things like 'cheeky' and 'dog's bollocks' convincingly.

There was an episode of 'Friends' where Phoebe and Monica try to cut out their old buddy (the milf from American Pie) who returned to New York after living in London . Anyway, she comes back and starts talking in this horrible British accent and saying thing like 'mobile' and 'arse' and they make fun of her for being such a cultural leech and a phony. I am similarly scared I will return to Canada, uttering random British slang and have all my friends say: 'Well if you didn't want to get me on my mobile, then don't call me on my mobile!'

Anyway, the guys at Yahoo really take the piss (see what I did there?) about me not speaking 'proper British' English. I say things like roommate instead of flatmate ('Well, do you live in the same ROOM? No? Then it doesn't make any sense.') and subway instead of underground (that one is sort of legit). I say dollar instead of pound constantly, which I know is annoying. I also drafted up an email to a potential columnist for the site and my coworker had to completely re-write it because they don't say things like 'guy' here.

The hardest part is that my Canadianisms are so much a part of who I am and have been lovingly cultivated and perfected over the last 24 years. How can I be expected to just drop all my pleases, thank yous, ehs and oh yahs without essentially losing a part of myself?

I guess I'll have to develop some kind of double identity: Vanessa the editor and Vanessa the unapologetic Canadian tourist.

Some phrases however, I have no problem adopting: slag and minger are my top two. 'Popping round the pub for a pint' just rolls off the tongue and is an activity I participate in enthusiastically and often.

I'm sure I'll continue to struggle with this for many years to come. But for now, I'll continue to smile when they forget Canada and America aren't the same country and remind them our beer is stronger, our winters are colder and we fucking love poutine.

Hope you're having a great hump day

Cheers,

Patsy xo