The infamous 'chav'Completely self-absorbed side note: I have to say I am completely overwhelmed with the compliments and accolades I have received from everyone about this blog. Some days I really do not want to write in here because I feel like I have nothing of note to write about. But then I realize if I stopped, it'd be like giving up on every other hobby in my life (I did play a mean alto sax. Take a seat, Lisa Simpson). And then I get these wonderful, sincere compliments and it makes me think alright Patsy, you suck it up and write that blog post! People are wasting their time reading about your life. And people value those 6-7 unproductive work hours each day - you should feel blessed they managed to squeeze you in next to their marathon sessions of Bejeweled and catching up on thisiswhyyourefat.com.
OK, so I'll start with last weekend
Let me set the scene for this weekend. Franca and I had been invited to Essex to visit Jono and Huggie and their children Militant and Benedict (not their real names - they've asked to remain anonymous). So Franca and I booted it from work on Friday, took the train to Kelvedon to begin, what was sure to be, an absolute shit show of a weekend.
We arrive and meet the adults (the dictators were misbehaving so they were sent to bed) and we cracked open the first of many, many bottles of wine and sat down to an absolutely delicious homemade dinner of shepherd's pie. We chatted about work and life and their two pubs (more of that later) and Huggie went to bed as she wasn't feeling well and we stayed up until the sun came up (around 5 am) polishing off 9 bottles of wine and effectively destroying whatever was left of our livers. The next day, Franca, with her incessant positive outlook on life, tried to justify that those three bottles each were consumed over the whole night, so it was OK. I assured her that no medial professional in their right mind would ever think consuming three bottles of wine a night was acceptable. (Unless they were Dr. unk. Get it? HAHA)
Alright so anyways, it's really hard writing this from memory because my long term (and let's be real here, short term) memory are pretty much as useless as my liver at this point in the game. Anyway Saturday we woke up and thought it would be a great idea to go to the grocery store even though Jono, Franca and I were still very much drunk. The grocery store was hilarious - Essex, if you don't know, isn't exactly the cultural mecca of England. If I had to compare it to something in Canada, I might say it's like Brantford or some other place of ill repute (sorry Clarke family - I feel like now that I've been let into the clan, I can make fun of where we live). Anyway, in England they call white trash 'Chavs' and their essentially tasteless men and women with questionable fashion sense who partake in none of that posh, crumpet eating, tea drinking, haughty talking Englishness you prejudice Canadians seem to believe in. Anyway we managed to see a couple of these majestic creatures at Tescos and man, oh man, was it hilarious. One woman actually came up to me as I was looking at the bottles of spray salad dressing (I don't even...). Anyway she voluntarily told me how her son loves that stuff because you don't have to put it in the fridge after you use it. I then looked at the directions on the bottle and it read: refrigerate immediately after first use. Precious.
So we head home and guess what? We mix up some delicious bloody mary's and start on lunch when Jono and Huggie's friends come over to join us. Wine is flowing, food is delicious and I'm beginning to feel the effects of my hangover in an immediate and aggressive fashion. I slyly slip upstairs and take a well needed nap. When I come to a couple hours later, I realize it's close to dinner time and we'll be going to one of Jono and Huggie's pub, The Compasses, for dinner. So we rally the troops. I am horrified to learn Franca has drunkenly been teaching the children math, while poppa bear, the dignified gentleman he is, is passed out on a chair watching Happy Feet. We finally wrangle the crew and head out.
The pub is beautiful - a more upscale version of what you would expect from a British pub. No old musty carpets and pork pies on the menu. This place is classy and food isn't just something you use to soak up the massive quantity of ale you've consumed. I had fish cakes to start and Chateaubriand for my main course and it was absolutely superb. The wine was also excellent (but I mean, I don't really descriminate when it comes to alcohol) but the children were tired so we headed home after dinner for an early night - which turned into a 3:30 am drinking session - yet again. Probably the best part of that night was Jono convincing me this unlabeled bottle of wine was some ridiculous expensive, perfectly aged Burgundy when it happened to be some 3 quid grape juice that they made down the road and reeked of sulfur. I also thought the air vent from their oven was a toaster. Sorry for slowly killing you, brain.
Sunday we awoke to - you guessed it - booze and food (it's a tough life we lead. Really quite awful. You wouldn't want any part of it). This time we head to their other pub, The Swan, for a nice afternoon lunch! We start off with a delicious mix of starters and then move into the dining area for the main course. This was place a little more casual but no less wonderful. I ordered fish and chips which were delicious! A whole piece of fish smothered in beer batter and deep fried golden brown, crispy chips served in a mini deep fry pot (so cute) and mushy peas (which apparently you get here with fish and chips. I won't question it though because they clearly know what is up when it comes to this particular dish). Anyway more wine was had and conversation was great and before we knew it, it was time to head back on that train and get back to our flat. Franca and I are literally over-fed, hungover zombies at this point and barely make it through our door before we pass out entirely. The weekend was relaxing, the company was exceptional and the food and wine were amazing (and not just because they were free!) So to Jono and Huggie who I know are reading this and are now thoroughly disgusted by the blatant and unapologetic ass-kissery of this blog post - thank you! You were wonderful, patient, kind and so generous to add two more large, misbehaving children to your brood. We appreciate it sincerely.
So after that my week was busy! Wednesday I had my first softball game with Yahoo! UK which was fun (even though we lost). Met a bunch of Americans at my office and some sales people whom I hadn't met before so that was fun. We played in Regents Park and it was absolutely beautiful - great weather and they had seven baseball pitches which was really cool. I didn't even know they played softball out here but I guess it's more of a corporate community building thing than a cherished national pastime. Anyway we went to the pub afterward and got pretty annihilated (apparently it's not OK to bring your own beer into a pub patio. Lesson learned). Thursday I met up with Natasha who is heading to Amsterdam and Spain via London so we had too many drinks, sushi and a great catch up.
Friday night I watched The Wire and went to bed early because I had to get ready to go shopping for my India trip the next day! Saturday I did my shopping and then went out with a friend for drinks and dinner at Embankment and it was wonderful - sat with a bottle of wine overlooking the river and The London Eye. Then we went to dinner at this Spanish restaurant which was delicious. Anyway, the night was great and I woke up this morning feeling slightly hungover but I packed and checked in for my flight and I leave for Bangalore tomorrow at 2 pm! I actually can't believe I am leaving in 14 hours. In fact, by the time you're at work tomorrow - I'll be in a plane on my way to Hindustan! I'll be working form the Bangalore office until Friday and then catch a flight to Kerala to sit on a house boat for three days! We get a chef and a captain and it sounds perfectly relaxing - I cannot wait! I collected my visa on Thursday, got all my shots on Friday (my doctor had to Google things and I got a little nervous - but I'm alive so that's a positive sign). I am all packed and ready to go and cannot wait. I am going to take tons of pictures and try and update as much as possible when I'm there but if for some reason I don't - I will give you a full debriefing (haha) when I'm back.
Alright kids - that's about it for me. Sorry this post took an eternity but you know, this genius needs time to stew and ferment - just like that well-aged bottle of sulphur wine Jono gave me.
Hope you're all doing well and have a fantastic week.
Cheers,
Patsy xoxo
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