Smug grafitti, thinks it's so smart. Blah blah blah shut up, Vanessa. You're not all big and important now just because you have a job. So get off your damn snooty English high horse and write some more stories about what a drunken waste of a slag you are.
Alright, geez. Damn, you guys are mean today.
Well first things first - I just finished setting up our INTERNET!
OHMIGOD WIRELESS. Where the HELL have you been my whole life? Oh, that's right, the eternal queue set up by Satan's minions down at Sky. Let me tell you something, the customer service employees at Sky definitely have my account red flagged. It's not even a flag, it's like a big skull and crossbones when you open that bitch up because I am NOT someone to be fucked with - especially when it comes to my internet connection (that's right, I'm a nerdy bitch).
Anyway I won't get into the specifics BUT we're hooked up and ready to go! Now you'll be getting so many updates you'll be like: JFC Vanessa, calm the hell down on all the updates. No one cares that you just ate a box of brownies and a sleeve of Pringles and now you're beached out on your loveseat watching Toddlers and Tiaras.
But I know you still want updates, so let's have some, shall we? We'll go back to Friday because I'm pretty slow and can't remember things if they happened more than like 5 days ago. Friday I celebrated the end of my first (shortened) work week! And hallelujah, we had work drinks to celebrate!
Every couple of weeks, if Yahoo hits their targets, they take the whole office out to a local pub, line the bar with pints and let the animals loose. So I took it upon myself to savour three delicious, free, company-supplied pints and mingle with my coworkers. Franca came along and I got to see the crew outside of the office, which was nice. Most of the time they're physically affixed to their desks so it's nice to see that they enjoy sunlight, alcohol and my witty, engaging repartee. After that, Franca and I went out for Indian food and it was SO tasty. However, we were both stuffed and sort of liquored up, so we headed home to bed.
Saturday morning was absolutely beautiful - the best day, weather-wise, since I landed in the UK. We got up nice and early and headed down to Portobello Market in Notting Hill. Yes, that Notting Hill. And you bet they capiltized on that movie like no one's business (well, I guess it was their business. Damn what a terrible choice of phrase!). I don't know how many goddamn posters, photos, framed pictures I saw of Hugh Grant's stupid face, but it was too many.
Anyway the market was incredible - tons of antiques, vintage clothes, GREAT food (we had a Greek chorizo sandwich which was AMAZING). I also had fresh coconut water AND we bought cupcakes from Hummingbird bakery which were the bomb diggity. We even sat on a rooftop patio and had a beer and enjoyed the rays of sunshine which I thought were forbidden by God himself to shine here.
Franca and I picked up some sweet prints for our living room and bedrooms and then headed home. That night we went out to see some stand-up comedy in Soho, which I have to say was pretty funny. Especially when accompanied by a pitcher of booze.
I have come to learn British people find the following things hilarious:
- Jokes about the middle class/anyone who has money (every single comedian [there were four] made jokes about where people lived and whether they had butlers/servants. Hilarity ensured).
- Jokes about Americans (although, really, who doesn't make fun of Americans?).
- Jokes about racial division in Britain (only if the comedian is Indian)
So, I mean, they were still funny and maybe every country has some go-to subject matter for their routines but it was like, alright, we get it, you like to make fun of people who drive Bentleys and live in Knightsbridge.
Despite the blatant classism that exists in the UK, I've noticed something that REALLY seperates the Brits from North Americans (or more specifically, Americans). They really don't like to brag about how much money they have. I mean sure, some live in castles that are so big they forget how to get their bedrooms, but they aren't 'flashy'. There's a sense of old money here and it sems like most people don't feel the need to be so flagrant about letting people know they are STACKED. Which I guess is why the jokes about the middle class are so popular - there seems to be an unwritten rule here that boasting is just not acceptable. Even when I was playing a drinking game a couple of weeks ago, one of the rules was don't gloat or boast when your partner screws up.
Excuse me? Where's the fun in that? Half the game is chirping your opponents!
But I digress. The main point is that the British are sort of like Canadians in that they're a little more subtle and discreet than their big, brash American neighbours (puts away her giant, sweeping generalization-making paintbrush). Anyway that's just what I think. And obviously you think my opinion is worth something or you wouldn't be reading this right now.
No wait, come back!
OK so sunday we got up SO early because Franca's godfather Peter was picking us up for a day in Chiswick! We went down to the Thames in Hammersith and went on a nice, long two hour walk by the river. The weather was gorgeous and the family dog Oscar, that little rascal, came along too. There were kayakers and golfer and sailors and runners and all kind of physical activity to be had. We had a great chat and soaked up the sunshine before heading to The Dove (where I went with my second cousin a few months back) for a drink. I had a Bloody Mary (would give my liver for a Caesar right now) and it was delectable.
After that we headed home for a beautiful lunch with some wine, sat outside reading the paper, Franca and I played some Monopoly and then had a delicious lamb dinner, more wine and watched the Masters. We stayed over night and we're off to work in the morning.
So that about catches us up! Although I have some more exciting news - Franca and I booked a trip to Rome with Jenny and Ryan! We're going next weekend for three nights and staying at a beautiful looking apartment with another couple so it should be lots of fun! We're also off to Essex (or Sussex, I keep messing those up) to visit Franca's family: either way it's beautiful English countryside so I will take lots of pictures and fill you in on our adventures upon my return. I'll update this week if anything interesting happens (probably not because I'm broke so until I get paid so I am laying low) but I'll let you know if the situation changes.
Alright friends, that's about it. Hope you're all doing well and stay tuned for more excitement!
Cheers,
Patsy xoxo
PS I'd like to dedicate this post to my sweet sweet wife, Sarah Cole. I love you!
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